It may seem intimate, but it is constructed to avoid openness, spontaneity, and reciprocates the characteristics of true intimacy. Where codependents believe themselves to be neglected, but excuse the "negligent" behavior of others despite their own pain and view their codependency as their own problem, which they must resolve themselves, those affected by the irrelationship do not not. They are unable to let go of those in whom they are invested, not because of any deep-seated personal commitment, but because it defends them from the anxiety that is part of the risk of caring for each other. Simply put, codependency is a toxic way of relating that an individual has with themselves in interpersonal relationships. Irrelationship is the real dynamic of connection