Table of ContentsAre You Living in the PastPrinciple of AnticipationHow Our Memory Can Self-DestructStep 1: AwarenessStep 2: RecognitionStep 3: ForgivenessStep 4: Surrender, Accept and TrustStep 5: Learn to Live in the MomentStep 6: Deposit into Happy BankStep 7: Work on YourselfLive in the PastHave you ever wondered why you always seem to find yourself in the same place in your life, in the same situations or with the same type of people? Have you ever wondered why every time you start a new relationship, it results in the same type of relationship as the last time? Do you always set the same goals every year and then continue to exceed them? Do you find that you always end up expressing yourself about everything, or that you always think of the worst case scenario? Surprisingly, what most people don't realize is that we tend to recreate the past over and over again, often without even realizing it. You always feel like you're trapped in an eternal DejaVu. Have you ever wondered why, why nothing ever seems to change? Say no to plagiarism. Get a tailor-made essay on “Why Violent Video Games Should Not Be Banned”? Get an Original Essay I find that most of us have one of two ways of dealing with our past. Some of us try to bury it, we don't even want to think about the mistakes we made or the pain we endured. Others of us seem stuck in our past, reliving it in our minds day after day. You know, research shows that neither of these scenarios are particularly healthy for us. If you think about it, it makes sense. If we avoid facing our past, we end up not recognizing the many, often limiting, ways our past influences our present. On the other hand, if we live in our past, we end up over-identifying, ruminating and letting ourselves be governed by it. Living in our past prevents us from living in the present, while ignoring our past leaves us unknowingly unaware of how our past affects our present. Neither is good for us? So why are we doing this? Principle of anticipation Believe it or not, our brain works according to the principle of anticipation. As individuals, we generally cannot act without first anticipating what we are going to do or how something is going to unfold. We all spend time considering all possibilities before acting on something and that's normal. It is comforting to be able to predict or anticipate the future. If we can predict the future, it allows us to prepare for it. Our memories are meant to protect us from harm or situations that might result from a negative event. For example, do you know someone who was bitten by a dog when they were younger and is now very cautious around dogs or maybe even avoids them all together? If we have encountered a situation or person that we perceive as dangerous, this memory helps us remember to avoid that situation or person in the future. In general, the ability to predict our future experiences based on what we have learned in the past is a good thing. How our memory can self-destruct The problem arises when we want to free ourselves from self-destructive patterns, bad situations or bad habits. This same exact memory system that protects us can also keep us trapped. Based on our past memories, we make predictions about our current situation and what we expect. For this reason, our experiencesPast experiences can become limiting, preventing us from moving forward. What happens is that as things happen in our lives, we tend to incorporate those events into our stored beliefs about our world and ourselves. What happens is we start believing what I call “false truths.” For example, my son thinks he won't do well in the undergraduate courses he should take in college, so he feels like he would be putting himself in danger if he went to college . His memory was that he was not good at school and so this memory tries to protect him from failure, by preventing him from taking action to go to college. He expects that, based on his past school experience and what he perceives as failure, he will not do well this time. The reality is that he had no interest in school and simply didn't apply himself to it. He's very smart and capable, but he told himself he wasn't. Let me give you some more examples… You had a bad marriage, so you decide to never get married again. You believe that marriage is not for you or that the next one will end the same way. You were fired or lost your job, so now you expect it to happen again and you have formulated the belief that something is wrong with you or your performance. You were cheated on in a past relationship and now you always fear the same thing will happen to you again. You were in an abusive relationship and now you think you are not worthy of love and have low self-esteem. Of course, none of this is true, but you have come to believe the lies you have been told or told to yourself. Unfortunately, we all do this; something happens, we form a belief about what it means, and then we use that belief to predict what will happen in similar future situations. We then act based on what we anticipate. Guess what? We actually end up creating exactly the scenario we expected. This process is so automatic that most of the time we are not even aware of it. So how can we work to change these destructive habits. Step 1: Awareness The first step is to notice that you are expecting something negative or unwanted to happen. Take note of your emotions about this particular situation. If you notice that you are expecting something negative, then you will be filled with emotions like fear, dread, or anxiety. Once you are aware of these emotions, try asking yourself what do you want instead? I know for myself that I would be anxious when I was invited to a social event, I would fill myself with anxiety and dread. I just knew I wasn't going to have a good time and my immediate response was to find a way out. If I had no choice but to leave, I kept a low profile and planned my early escape. Guess what? The outcome I expected was exactly what happened, I didn't have a good time. What I learned was that when I could start to identify that I was doing this, I could start working towards a different outcome. The first step is to be aware that you do this, most of the time we don't think much beyond what we feel. Step 2: Recognition The next step is recognition. For years I felt like I was always a victim of circumstance and that things always seemed to happen to me; that nothing ever happened the way I wanted, that I couldn't do anything right. Life had a grudge against me..