Oh to be loved! How I long for that experience: to be needed and wanted, to be pursued, and to know without a doubt that I possess someone's deepest affections. I can't wait to be in their arms and know that I'm safe. Embarking on a great adventure with a companion who will never fail me would be absolutely wonderful. The things we conquered! The heights we would reach! The depths we would explore and the love that would forever be ours. No, I can't afford to indulge in such stupid fantasies. Because that’s what they are, at least that’s what I have to tell myself. For someone in my situation, I can't even dare to hope for such a reality. Yet no matter how hard I try to push it away, no matter how hard I try to bury it under layers of calluses, it always comes back. Carving its way into my heart and plunging its unforgiving roots deep into my heart. Sometimes I can cover the pain at least for a while. Letting my mind slide into oblivion while another uses me for their own sick pleasure. It is then reduced to a dull pain, to a simple distant beating, laborious and distressing, but to a certain extent livable. Looking back on days gone by, I remember the ignorance into which I was born. If only I could go back to that time and let myself be blinded for a few more moments. At that point I still felt the pain, yes, but I had hope of some kind of pain. I thought I could break free from its grip, I thought I could escape the pit of desire I had inherited. This is how my search began. I started giving myself to others to see if they could fill my void. My heart came first and my body followed. For a moment, I felt like I had the answer. Finally, the solution was within my reach! However, as I discovered, I was never able to achieve it. I could never have... in the middle of a paper... as if in that one look he saw everything that I was, everything that I had done. Still, he wasn't disgusted or repulsed like I expected. Instead, he took my shaking body into his arms and spoke to me tenderly. His words moved my soul as if it were made to hear them. His voice penetrated the deep layers of my heart, cutting through the insensitivities and uprooting the seeds of malice that had taken up residence there for so long. He told me that from then on he would take me as his bride, that he would clothe me in robes of glory, that he would satisfy my hungry soul, and, above all, that he would would like. If a thousand quills were to undertake a description of the joy I felt at that moment they would produce only a shadow of the original. Therefore, I won't even attempt it. I must be content simply to say that his love was life for me and his love lasts forever..