They don't tell you how low you're going to fall until you do. The feeling of collapse, the absolute captivity, the apparent numbness and the euphoric feeling of love. You go through the different stages either epically or not at all. You ignore the bullshit and reveal your true self, or you get stuck in it and can't get out. I'm in the room and looking around for my partner. What had he done here? I panicked and rushed out of his sight. I fell in the bathroom and caught myself. I opened the medicine cabinet and passed around some mouthwash. I looked in the mirror at my bloodshot eyes and wished I could fall asleep and stay inside forever. I fell to the ground and slowly drifted away, then left. I went away often and I loved it. Check out life one glass of whiskey at a time. I was found wrapped around china. He found me. And he never knew why I was there. My boyfriend Jack took me. Glancing over his shoulder, I looked at the source. The source of my fatality. I hadn't felt alive in a very long time. But I didn't want to. He looked back at me and winked. “Holy shit, Jack, can you maybe be a little gentler.” I said fiercely. “Can I maybe stop finding you trashed in the bathroom at every party you go to?” “I don’t know baby, the bathroom is so much nicer.” I said darkly with a hint of sarcasm. “Besides, look what I scored in Tom's creepy bathroom” Jack looked at me as I couldn't get my words out, “Sedate my love, if you keep acting like an a-hole, You won’t get any.” Jack remained silent with a slight smile on his face. I told him I was hungry and we went to the nearest fast food place. I just really needed mini churros in my belly more than anything. I look ...... middle of paper ......ly and I guess it appeared. Morning came and Jack asked me how I was feeling so I started crying and begging for forgiveness but he just walked away and said it was too late. I had nothing. I lost my best friend and I didn't want to live without him. He was always there with me through the worst and the best and he loved me for me. Flaws and all. I left my house that day with a note in my back pocket. A farewell letter to my dearest Jack. I was coked up and drunk as fuck and I wanted to tell Jack that I was sorry one last time and that it was okay to move on and that everything would be okay and all that other shit that wasn't true. I started my car and the song "Kelsey" from the subway started blaring and I almost broke the button trying to turn the volume down. I flew down the street sweeping up a few trash cans as I went and when I got to the highway everything went white.